“Ardor” may seem like a very strange title for a blog post. However, it describes a feeling I had after the last bell rang on Wednesday and all of the little five year old children found their way to the bus, the daycare, or their home. I had this overwhelming sense of excitement, passion, and warmth that told me I am still doing the right thing.
At the beginning of this semester It was hard for me to come back to school because I noticed many of my peers had this passion that I felt I was lacking. I observed and listened to them during the first week of classes and I was wondering if I have enough passion to be the kind of teacher I know the children in the world deserve. At that moment on Wednesday when the classroom was empty and I was standing on the rug where 18 little warm bodies had just been sitting, I felt pretty much exactly what the dictionary definition of “ardor” is. I felt a great warmth of feeling, I felt fervor, I felt PASSION. I felt eagerness, I felt enthusiasm, and I felt zeal. These intense feelings were washing over me and I just knew. I just knew I was in the right place.
There were moments that also had me feeling like a failure on Wednesday. I had a hard time remembering the students names and on two different occasions the students, bless their little hearts, had to correct me. I also gave extremely poor directions to a group of energetic five year olds during a math lesson where hundreds of little math links were involved, meanwhile my co-op teacher was observing me specifically for my PD goal of giving directions. Live and learn, right? *facepalm*
I think I am going to be constantly blown away by the individuality of each child I come across. From home life, to preferences, to triggers, to personalities! I discovered a little girl whom I assumed had perfect English speaking abilities is actually an EAL learner, and really has no idea what I am saying most of the time; she covers it up with her charismatic attitude and humour. A little boy from Syria doesn’t understand or speak English and kept randomly bursting out in tears, oh my heart! A little girl got tapped on the side of the face and she burst into tears; she cries every day. Gabrielle hid in her locker when we were dancing freestyle in music class; ten minutes before she had been embarrassed in front of her class trying to play charades. I could go on and on…
I had a great day on Wednesday. And to top it off I was given a new name by a little cutie named Traeson who couldn’t stop giggling. My new name is Ms. Bacon. I love it!